"For I know the plans that I have for you..."

...says the Lord.

It's always been important to me to have plans for my future. In fact, I think I nearly always have, and although through the years my plans altered slightly from when as a little maybe 5-year-old I unswayingly decided I would be a nurse to when I was 12 and equally adamant that my future lay in the cockpit of a plane as a bush pilot in Alaska (incidentally, a desire that has never completely diminished...), it was a great comfort to me to be so certain of what I wanted to do and where I was headed. I was completely passionate about what I wanted to do! Never for a moment did I doubt that I would accomplish my dreams! They were all good plans, right?
Let's just say that Thailand did not fit in with my plans. When my family decided that this was where we were going and were determined that we would go together, saying I was dismayed would be an understatement! But still I only viewed it as simply a temporary delay.
Soon it became apparent though that my life was not going to just fall into place and allow me to follow through with my well-layed plans the way I'd hoped.
Mercifully, I'll shorten all the ins and outs and ups and downs of the story to simply saying that God had a course in surrender in store for me... It was not an overnight process.
I realized that this was the first time in my life that I didn't "know" where I was going. And I didn't like it. At all. I felt as though I'd lost my purpose.
I had to come to the point where I could understand that God has a perfect plan for my life and that I would never experience it or be anything like the person He made me to be 'til I was willing to trade my plan for His own.
More recently, I was listening to someone speak and in the context of surrender the question was asked, "Is there anything in your life that you can't imagine living without?" I found it deeply disturbing to realize that I instantly knew that there was something in my life that I did feel that way about and and even more disturbing to realize that I knew what it was. I may have decided to wait on God for the right timing when He would open the doors so that I could fulfill my plans, but I still hadn't completely surrendered my plans to Him, accepting that they may not be His. I couldn't picture, or was even sure that I wanted a life without them fitting into it in some shape or size... It took me hours of struggling and soul searching before I was able to view it from an eternal perspective and count the cost, finally giving it completely to God. What a relief to simply let it rest in God's hands!
Shortly after that decision I felt deeply impressed to go ahead and take an online EMT-B to Paramedic course, which I can start over here, completing the vast majority of it online on my own time before traveling to Texas towards the end of the course for several weeks of hands-on practice, testing, and clinical hours.
I find myself thirsting for knowledge... There's so much I don't know and so much I want to know. But, while I have nothing against education in a campus college setting, I don't believe that it's God's plan for me right now to put the rest of my life on hold in order to go spend the next several years of my life in some city somewhere simply for the sake of traditional education.
This way I can continue to serve where God has placed me at the same time as continuing my education and opening up the door for possibilities for greater service in the future.
I don't think I've ever been more certain of having heard God speak to me! Since that day there's been times when I've struggled, feeling as if there's no way that it can happen and not wanting to get my hopes up only to have them dashed... but I always come back to the fact that I serve a God that opens doors that no one can shut and shuts doors that no one can open! I trust that He will provide the funds...
My long-term plans are no more. I still have strong interests and I still have hopes and dreams that I'm looking forward to seeing how God will use... But If you were to ask me what I'll be doing three months from now I'd have to tell you that I'm not certain what I'll be doing three days from now. All I know is that I'm where God's placed me at this moment in time and that this is the next step in my life!

"...Behold, I have set before you an open door, and no man can shut it: for thou hast a little strength, and thou hast kept my word, and hast not denied my name." Revelation 3:8